30th April 2005

Jez Carter

It is disappointing to report that Match Secretary and 4th team midfield dynamo (his words) Jez Carter is leaving Carshalton at the end of this month to start a new job in Whitby in Yorkshire.  Jez has been at the Club for a couple of seasons and took on the role of Match Secretary this season with a lot less bribery that usually accompanies these appointments.  He did an excellent job with arranging friendlies, keeping skippers informed of fixture changes and managing referee appointments.  We will miss his contributions on the Committee and his enthusiasm for the Club. 

All this means that we have a vacancy for next season for Match Secretary.  The eyes of the world's media will be focused on Beddington Park over the next few days as Committee members gather from all over Surrey and South London to form the conclave that will elect a new Match Secretary.  

Entrances will be sealed (apart from the roof, which hasn't been sealed since 1993) and the security shutter locked until the conclave reaches a decision.  Committee members will sleep in the changing rooms with only nuts, crisps and barrels of Stella, Guiness and London Pride to sustain them.  

Voting will continue throughout the day until a decision is reached or until more than 4 committee members are paralytic.  Voting is carried out on Club headed paper with crayons, as sharp objects are forbidden in the Clubhouse (have you tried cutting a pie after the game with our cutlery?).  All eyes will be on the chimney during this time.  Green smoke indicates a Match Secretary has been chosen, while thick black smoke indicates the clubhouse is on fire. 

After his election, the new Match Secretary will be told of his election, explained about his new role and then, following tradition, invited to buy drinks for all the Committee members.  Hopefully the new Match Secretary will not take the extreme measure of moving 300 miles away, to force another election.

 Buzz