Mojo Mugger II: Digger takes law into own hands.
David Glennister, or "Digger" to his friends due to his more than frequent need to readjust his nether regions, has recently himself been charged with Grand Theft Mojo.

Predator
Subject of October’s report ‘The Mojo Mugger’, David Glennister found himself Mojoless.  Apparently unable to survive another day under the shackles of sobriety and celibacy, it seems he has now turned from prey to predator and claimed a Mojo for his own.

F**K Da Po-lice
Due to ‘Police Incompetences’ as he put it, he was forced to take the law into his own hands and on the night of Saturday 26^th October he stole the Mojo of one Matthew William Osborne of 53 Barmouth Rd, Shirley.

The plaintiff remembers little of the night of the 26th, however has been showing definite Mojo absence since the night in question.

Although not without prior suspicion, the Mojo transition became apparent only last weekend.  Mr Osborne failed to survive festivities on either weeknight past 11pm, even returning home before Nick ‘AWOL at 12’ Jeffery.  Digger, however, was not perturbed in his mission of drunken debauchery and stayed out until 2:30am on Friday, on his own, marauding the dance floors of Croydon.

Osborne
As any strumpet wandering the streets of Croydon past midnight will tell you, the stolen Mojo is a particularly powerful one and it is feared that without the strong physical and mental control needed to harness such an affecting beast, dire consequences could ensue.

“Go home Boy!”
By Saturday night Mr Glennister was a bomb waiting to explode and it was only Kingsley Jones, a keen eyed security guard on the door of Flares that saved the day.  “I spotted the symptoms straight away”, said the burley bouncer, “It was about 2 years ago when the very same thing happened to my brother.  He was out in MacCluskeys one Thursday night, the same night as Dane Bowers and Jordan were there.  He couldn’t remember much the next morning but he was randy as a mongoose.  I read the paper and saw Dane had dumped Jordan, I put two and two together and realised what had happened.  I went to the police but they didn’t believe me.  Of course there have been many incidents since, but this was the first of its kind.  Within days my brother was out of control, soon after he was arrested and charged with 83 counts of sexual harassment, 13 counts of drunk and disorderly and he was forced to write a letter of apology to the Caterham donkey sanctuary”.  So what did you say to him Mr Jones?  “I told him straight -  Go home boy and leave this town alone!  He just ran off in the direction of Brannigans growling.”

The police have promised a prompt investigation hopefully ending with the speedy recovery and return of the said Mojo to Mr Osborne.  However if the beast survives just one more weekend in the body of young Digger the consequences could be disastrous.