When you are as old as I am you really enjoy results
like this. And when I say enjoy, I mean that you remember them for
longer. It's been almost 7 hours since the ref blew the final whistle
and I still remember not only the result but also the scorers. Which is
absolutely incredible as I normally cannot even remember the last time I
had a poo...
Before this game, I'd never lost against IBIS.
However I should counter that by saying that I'd never actually
played against IBIS - well not that I remember anyway, but who
cares, I can carry my 100% record against them through to the home
match!
The team today was made up of a good mix of youth and
experience. The word 'youth' may be stretching it slightly - Luke,
Anthony and Jordan have an total age smaller than my waist size. And,
my God, did we have some experience - does anyone remember Paul
Burke? Yes, he actually played in the same team as Neil Backer's dad
Bill, but he is still going strong and is fantastically mobile
considering he gets around in a bath chair.
Anyhoo, to the game. Let's start with the
interminable walk to the pitch from the changing rooms. IT WAS NEARLY
HALF A MILE! I'm 42 years of age, FFS! I was exhausted before the game
started, and Burkey actually needed an oxygen bottle half way across ...
Someone was due a pounding from us, and unfortunately
for IBIS, it was them that got it. From the first touch of the ball our
passing, movement, communication and desire to win the ball was plain to
see, and after 20 minutes or so we scored the opener. Now, when I say,
scored the opener, what I really mean is this...in over 20 years of
playing SAL football I have rarely seen such a fantastic goal. Jamie
Fash collects the ball about 10 yards in from our left touchline, about
30 yards out from the IBIS goal. He looks up and spots Anthony (real
name Zombie Flesh Eater) in about 2 yards of space, 5 yards outside the
box, between the edge of the D and the corner of the penalty box. The
Zombie cushions the ball, on the volley, utterly perfectly for Chris
Wells to smash the ball in, again on the volley. The skill levels shown
by Zom and Wellsy would not been out of place in the First XI or even
higher. It was a beautiful thing to behold, especially when you
consider that for the rest of the game, Wellsy scored nul points
from his 86 attempts on goal.
We kept the high quality pass-and-move going without
giving IBIS a break for another ten minutes or so, until the strangest
thing happened. Castle threw one in the back of the net. Twat.
Consequently the stuffing was knocked out of us and then IBIS scored
another breakaway goal to put them 2-1 up. Cars are, at this point,
staring down the barrel of one of the greatest injustices in football
history, and for 10 minutes or so completely lose the plot, the
confidence and fluency seeming to have been sucked from us. But a lucky
break saw us equalise and then we once again turned on the free flowing,
across-the-pitch football.
At this point I have to take you back to my first
paragraph. I remember who scored (Chris Wells got 2, his bruv Darren -
a bit of a pansy who had to go up front later with cramp, therefore
showing beyond all doubt that it is EASIER to play up front than at the
back - got one, as did Nick, Katie Price Jordan, and for the first time
in four years centre half Jon, who I believe, by way of celebration, is
rubbing himself into a pile of dust as I write this match report). What
I don't remember is the score at half time, or indeed the order of the
goalscorers.
What I can tell you in summary is that IBIS got a
thrashing, but to their credit never gave up - even when they were
reduced to 10 men after their man mountain number 6 went off
injured. Cars continued to play total football till the final
whistle...
If I may be serious for a moment, the crèche of
Luke, Zom and Katie were utterly awesome this week. Perpetually
courageous in the tackle against opposition players considerably bigger
and older, with fantastically high levels of skill. And most
importantly they never stopped working for the team, even when they were
not seeing much of the ball. Methinks the club is in safe hands; or in
their words 'sweet bruv, innit'.