What happened this Saturday? We’d beaten this lot early in the season, partly because a very active James Greenhouse had been there to help us out and partly because they weren’t a better team than us.  This week James Greenhouse was once again in the line up and there was no reason to suppose that over the last few months they had become better than us.  However, the first 15 minutes soon showed that the second factor no longer held good.  It appeared from the start that they might well be better than us, and they very quickly had two goals in the bag to prove it.  True, we had our ace striker Peter Culham playing as goalie locum but then on the other hand Peter was playing like a seasoned goalkeeper and denied them a number of further opportunities.  Quite how Peter is able to twist, turn and leap gracefully in a single movement, inevitably leading to comparisons with former ballet stars such as Nijinsky and Nuryev is a mystery but one can only assume that advanced pilates, higher level yoga, extensive physiotherapy and very liberal application of Deep Heat™ all play their part in keeping him in the bodily condition of a teenager.  It is also suggested that the removal of the moustache last season completely changed the aerodynamics of Peter’s body, thus allowing him significantly improved speed and movement in the air.  Anyway, the bare facts are that we were being outplayed in the first half and it was three down by half time.

The second half saw some line up changes.  Notably, Mike Briggs made a welcome return to the side after an extended absence.  The sweepstake on how long he would be on the pitch before inevitable retirement through injury was standing at an uncharitable three and a half minutes max.  In fact Mike’s extended absence on exotic foreign business trips, extensive physiotherapy and the half-term ski holiday had worked wonders.  Mike not only lasted the entire half but he also made a massive contribution to the game which saw him controlling the left/central midfield and on one occasion also racing down the left side, tackling his way through at least two big heavy tackling Old Parishioner’s defenders and then firing for goal, thwarted only by the exceedingly tall but also very agile and effective Old Parsnip’s goalie.  Also, Chairman Tony Elvis the Van Emst of Orange Gracelands was brought on despite the fact that he was still suffering from a grievous knee ligament injury which had kept him out of action for at least the whole of one previous match. We also saw the return of Gavin ‘Where’s he been’ Dykes, another player who has been absent for a significant period of time and who was obviously keen to remind his team-mates of his speed, agility, strength, tactical awareness and good humour.  Unfortunately, no one was actually listening to him so he just had to get on and play football instead.

Although Peter Culham was called into action on a few further occasions, the second half saw no further goals for Old Parsnippers.  Many of their moves came from the right wing but the effective combination of Derek ‘The Toast of Oldham’ Cadman and Hugh Constant kept us safe from any significant harm.  

A fair and objective commentator would say that we had the best of most of the second half.  We kept most of the play in their half and after a few good attempts on goal we finally scored.  It was a goal reminiscent of the celebrated Argentina goal from Germany 2006.  Brian ‘Stings Like a Bee’ Tarpey, having an excellent game at right back, passed to Norm (this week quite rightly favoured over Chris Moggridge in the right midfield position), Norm slipped deftly and effortlessly past a hacking challenge from the very talented Old Parsimonious central striker, before slipping the ball smoothly to ‘Big Sam’ Karlsson, Big Sam smoothly passed the ball on and within a few further seconds His Toniness had sent the ball into the back of the Old Parliamentarians net.  We continued to keep the pressure up and had further chances (see reference to Mike Briggs above) but the Old Plasterer’s goalie managed to keep them safe. 

A fair analysis of the game was that once again we were caught napping at the start. Whether this is the result of a lack of fitness and/or proper warming up is hard to say, but there is no doubt that we often seem to start slow and concede a goal or two early on, meaning that from that point on we are playing catch up.  It is not unusual for us to be trailing in the first half and then by the second half be controlling the game but still with the formidable task of goalscoring on our hands.  Had we not conceded the two early goals this match could have been ours for the taking. 

Finally, special mention in Despatches should go to:

(1)        Our Captain Jim who, despite now being 793 years of age and despite having suffered the ignominy of a very cheeky deflection into our goal in the HAC match the previous week, played a steady controlled game as sweeper and showed that class, experience and good judgment in team selection is never lost, just mislaid occasionally.

(2)        Roy who, despite featuring in the previous week’s HAC thrashing and having to help with Vet’s washing up duty, showed immense patience for the elderly and turned up to help the Old’uns for a second week by adding a bit of pace and movement to both right and left wings.

(3)        The new boy, Mike Brockham, who played well, battling hard and creating opportunities.

The Norm [In most serious and highly analytical mood this week, as befits the demeanour of the organiser of the greatest annual dinner in the Club’s glorious history – word on the pitch is that so high is the expectation for this prestigious event on the 23rd March 2007 that tickets through official channels have sold out and are now changing hands on e-bay™ for no less than £15 each!]